Five reasons your visitors don’t return to your web product *

• They decided they actually really hate you and everything you stand for
• They’ve been abducted by aliens and are busy being probed
• They watched too much Fox News and now receded to the cold war bunker eating tinned apricots until it is safe to come out again
• They never existed, you are actually in a secret government facility strapped to a chair and they keep injecting you with neurochemicals telling you that you are a web designer
• They are but they are wearing false noses, teeth and hairpieces to disguise themselves and really mess with you

^* Hey, I never claimed they are good reasons. I just wanted to do one of those incredibly successful blog posts with a catchy title that get tweeted around a lot.